Helping Others Through Foreclosure

In the new reality of home financing, the American dream has turned its back on thousands of U.S. households. Neighbors around the country are wondering how to handle the awkward situation of watching their friends pack up and leave due to foreclosure.

With foreclosures increasing every month, there's a new set of manners you may need to learn: how to support your friends and neighbors who are losing their homes. If you aren't prepared, a neighbor's foreclosure can turn into one of those uncomfortable situations where no one really knows how to act or what to say. Just in case you see a foreclosure sale sign go up on your street, here are some tips to help you manage the circumstances gracefully.

Good neighbor "dos"

Continue to interact with your neighbor as you always have. No one wants to be treated differently because she's going through tough financial times. If you always dropped in for coffee once a week, keep doing it.

Ask if there's anything you can do to help. Foreclosure or not, moving from one home to another is a labor-intensive ordeal. Your neighbor needs to plan for new living quarters. She also may be packing, and possibly selling things that she can't take with her. You could help box up dishes, plan a garage sale, or take digital photos for an eBay sale. Or you could cook some meals or babysit her kids while your neighbor does the packing.

Recognize the turmoil that your neighbor is experiencing. In times of stress, most people have a hard time keeping their cool, so your neighbor's moods are likely to be a little more volatile than usual. Don't take it personally and don't hold grudges.

Good neighbor "don'ts"

If your neighbor asks you to do something you don't feel comfortable with, you aren't obligated to say yes. You don't have to lend money, store furniture, or temporarily adopt her kids. Respond to these requests by being honest: Tell your neighbor you'd prefer to help in some other way.

Respectfully mind your own business. In this election year, the mortgage issue has turned highly political. No matter what your personal views are on who should be blamed for the foreclosure epidemic, keep them to yourself. Don't ask your neighbor how it happened, what type of mortgages she has, whether she planned for the adjustable payments to rise, if the property value is sufficient to cover the debt balance, or any other question pertaining to real estate and home financing. Unless you're interested in buying the house, it's not your business to know.

At the end of the day, your neighbor is still the same person she was before the foreclosure reared its ugly, awkward head. Here's the primary rule of foreclosure etiquette: handle the situation as you would any other tragedy-by being supportive, and offering to help where you can.