The Fax of Life

How do you define rude?  In my world, it’s a ringing phone at 4 or 5 in the morning. There’s only a 25 percent chance that it could be good news.  It’s either (1) notification of someone you love’s unexpected death; (2) a wrong number; (3) a call from an overseas friend who miscalculated the time difference; or (4) a fax spammer.  Numbers (1) and (2) are forgivable, and number (3) is acceptable, with a reprimand to get with the time zone program.  But it’s number 4—the fax spammer—who fills me simultaneously with rage and helplessness.

I was involved in a relationship with a fax spammer for about a year.  His advances were unwanted and unpredictable. I would receive faxes in the middle of the night offering me reduced mortgages, or—(oh the irony!)—advertisements for successful fax marketing.  Sometimes, my machine would be off, so the fax line would ring and ring, waking me from a deep sleep.  I would jump up, search for the phone in the dark and, after bumping my knee and knocking over a lamp, I’d hear that unwelcome tone of a fax machine seeking a partner. Then, I couldn’t fall back to sleep because I felt so violated and angry.

I decided to take action, especially since I was on the “do not call” list.  First, I needed to capture the violator’s missive, and politely ask to be removed from the list.  Night after night, I left the fax machine on.  Nothing.  Then, finally, at 5 A.M. one day, the phone rang and there it was—“FAX ADVERTISING WORKS!” it said, “We Produce Prospects Who are Ready to Buy.”  Ready to buy what?  A one-way ticket to a sanitarium?  The bottom fine print read: “To remove fax number call 877-***-****.  Whew, I thought, this would be simple.  I called the number, and guess what?  “The number you have reached is not in service.”  All I could say was “%*&%&#*)#!”

My next line of attack was simple.  Since they were sending me a form inviting me to get information, I’d send a note back to the “fax completed form to” number that said, “Remove my fax number or I’m calling an attorney.”  I felt a bit of release for venting my rage.  However, within the next week or so, I still kept getting the faxes.

Since my plan didn’t work, I turned to the Federal Communications Commission’s complaint department and filled out a form. I was finally gonna get these guys!  Within a few weeks, I received a letter from them informing me, “Although the FCC does not adjudicate individual complaints of this type, we do closely monitor such complaints to determine whether independent enforcement action is warranted.”   I took this to mean that they weren’t going to do anything—but if enough complaints against this offender came in, then maybe something would happen.  Another dead end.  Later in the letter, it said, “consumers may bring a private lawsuit in a state court to recover damages.”  I spent time searching the Internet for attorneys, and printed out relevant material.  Then guess what?  Shortly after I filed my complaint, the faxes stopped coming.  Coincidence?  Probably.  Or maybe it was the note I sent back threatening to hire an attorney.

Federal regulators have actively been pursuing violators of the Do Not Call Registry.  A few weeks ago, they announced settlements with a variety of abusers to the tune of $7.7 million.  Violators included Craftmatic Industries, ADT Security Services, Ameriquest Mortgage, and Guardian Communications, to name a few. Hopefully, this will put enough of a scare into these thoughtless marketers to reduce the numbers of unwanted telephone sales calls and fax spammers.

To protect yourself, make sure you enroll in the “Do Not Call Registry.”  You can do this online at www.donotcall.gov, or by calling 1-888-382-1222.  And you must re-register every five years.

I’m no longer awakened at unreasonable hours.  All my friends and family have promised to live forever, and my overseas friends have gotten their math down and finally get it right.  Now, if I could only clear my mind of the daily harried housewife worries and distractions, I might be able to get a good night’s sleep!